Couples often enter therapy at a point of exhaustion—when communication has broken down, trust has eroded, and emotional distance feels insurmountable.  Yet despite these challenges, marriage therapy has proven to be remarkably effective in helping spouses reconnect, rebuild, and reimagine their relationship.

​​

There is a common belief held by many therapists that both spouses in a high-conflict marriage contribute equally to their unhappiness.  I hold a different view.  While both spouses certainly contribute to the others unhappiness, one spouse always plays a more dominant role in perpetuating the emotional pain. It is never 50/50.  One patient told me, “My husband makes me sick and then takes me to the best doctors.”  Recognizing this imbalance is essential, not to assign blame, but to bring clarity, freedom and direction to the healing process.  These insights are communicated with care, respect, and emotional safety, allowing both spouses to hear difficult truths without shame. ​

 

Most couples get caught in predictable cycles—blame, withdrawal, defensiveness, sarcasm and criticism—that obviously erode trust and ultimately may lead to divorce.  My practice helps spouses recognize and transform destructive relational patterns by introducing healthier dynamics rooted in a deeper understanding of both masculine and feminine ways of being.  When honored, balanced and understood, they create an immediate dynamic that shifts their relationship from a power struggle to one of cooperation. Over time, couples begin to move away from reactive behaviors—shaped by unresolved childhood wounds, fear of rejection and defensiveness. ​

 

This also applies to co-parenting.  When parents take the time to heal the wounds in their marriage, they often find that co-parenting becomes more natural, unified, and intuitive.   Instead of operating from a place of resentment, competition, or emotional distance, they’re able to make decisions from a shared values foundation. ​

 

When each parent embraces their natural masculine and feminine energies, it creates a dynamic balance that offers children a fuller, and more natural environment to grow within.  Rather than feeling pulled between two competing personalities, children thrive when those energies work in harmony.   They learn that strength and tenderness are not at odds.  Children benefit profoundly from this shift as they no longer feel caught between divided loyalties. This balance models healthy relationship dynamics—teaching children how to hold both structure, discipline and sensitivity in their own relationships as they get older.